RELATIONSHIPS IN THE INDUSTRY WITH VON!
Hello Fuel fans, and welcome to another instalment of my monthly blog! I’m almost 100% sure you know me by now, but if you’re unfamiliar, I’m Fuel’s longest-standing member. I’ve been with them coming up to 14 years now 🥴 and alongside performing I work on production with our boss Hannah and help out with our social media.
I worked out today that I’ve actually been in the industry for 17 years! I started out at 17 as a glamour model back in the day when lads mags existed (which is how Fuel found me) so have quite the breadth of experience when it comes to navigating relationships whilst performing/creating sexy content.
Back in the day
As young Fuel Girl’s in the prime of our careers, we all always used to get the classic line from new partners after dating them for a little while, ‘IT’S ME OR THE FUEL GIRLS!’ – you could almost plan on a calendar when it was coming 🤣
It seems that people find it difficult being with us for many reasons;
A: LOT’S of travelling
B: lot’s of attention
C: Very sexy shows
D: Being very fierce strong independent women can sometimes be challenging for some men.
You see, the idea of dating someone in the industry that performs sexy acts, or models naked, or strips, a LOT of the time is initially what attracts someone to you and then, after a few months, they decided they can no longer handle it.
There are so many reasons why this happens, but predominantly my thoughts on why that is are:
A: That person becomes jealous or fearful that they’re essentially going to lose you to someone else
B: They want you to be theirs and theirs only, and they don’t want the rest of the world to see you naked.
BUT GUESS WHAT PAL…
You’ve already bought into this, so it’s tough now! 😂
But that’s not always how it goes down….
Now that’s the black and white approach to take on the subject matter, but it isn’t at all how myself or many of us have dealt with this problem in the past. You see when you think you ‘love’ someone and they do this to you, very often you want to make them happy, so you start to change.
When someone grinds you down or emotionally manipulates you, they usually know how to play to your insecurities, so more often than not, you start doing things to try and please them and you start to believe that you’re doing something wrong.
You try desperately to make them happy, you stop performing to men and just perform to women, stop wearing pasties or modelling topless, change your costumes to make them more covered (I’ve done all this) but the brutal truth is (from my experience) these types of people never change.
They will always find the next thing that bothers them about whatever it is you’re doing and you will always be problematic to them somehow. I actually believe that these type of people would be the same in a relationship with a ‘normal’ person, we just seem to have it 10 times worse!
The past
I’ve been on gigs where exes have called me over 100 times because I haven’t picked up the phone. I’ve sat in changing rooms crying reading text after text of controlling abuse and can’t put the phone down, been called a ‘slag’ ‘slut’ been called ‘vile.
I quit my career entirely when I was at the peak of my modelling career working with mags like Maxim, FHM and Playboy because I was made to believe that what I was doing was disgusting, but he would frame the abuse in a way that made me feel like I could do more with my life, so accepted it.
The present
I believed for a long time that ALL relationships would be this way because I really had only ever experienced AWFUL ones. After a lot of therapy, work and soul searching I realise now I accepted the sort of people in my life I thought I deserved.
I’ve come from a rather turbulent past so subconsciously I repeated these same patterns over and over again, accepting negativity and abuse, and unfortunately it’s something I see a lot, and not just in this industry.
The today Von, however, couldn’t be happier, despite currently going through a divorce I have finally learnt to go very much against the grain. My problem was settling for the ‘type’ of people I am naturally drawn to (terrible manipulative narcissists) 🤣 but am head over heels in love, very accidentally with one of my closest friends would you believe!
The future!
Realising that relationships that are good for me, would feel VERY UNCOMFORTABLE was a huge learning curve for me. I would find myself feeling incredibly ‘twisty’ (as I like to put it 🥴) over my current partner doing kind things for me, like picking me up from the airport or buying me beauty products that I needed at his house.
The truth is I found comfort in the darkness before as it was all I knew and thought I deserved, BUT it is possible to work in this industry and be with someone who lifts you, supports you and cheers you on from the sidelines.
I have it, many of the girls in Fuel have incredibly supportive loving partners, but I know so many who don’t which is why I felt the need to be so brutally honest in this blog. Emotional abuse is so commonplace, and hard to identify.
It will mentally annihilate you and your confidence and is often one of the most difficult cycles to break. I spent years lying to myself about the way I was being treated, and only really got out of it after aggressively working on myself, my happiness and my health.
It is possible to break the cycle, and if you ever need help there are some great charities working with women who can do just that:
Von XX 💗💗💗
AND as always get in touch with us on Facebook or Instagram – we love to hear your feedback!
